What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 04:52
I will be 64.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
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She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Why am I so afraid that gun owners have set traps to kill me outside my house or my car?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
And i lived it daily.
Why is the show The Big Bang Theory so hated?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But ive been too sick for many years..
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Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
In what ways does Islam oppress women?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Would this be the day?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Can you tell me a depressing story?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He knew the spot.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
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I said to her
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
We were not on the streets..
We all went to grammer schools
What are mean nicknames to call my sister? She is always so mean to me.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
What is the meaning of xx in texting?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She was in good health!
Why do some straight men enjoy wearing women's lingerie?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But it wasn’t much.
She wouldn,t have been !
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But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I was seconnd youngest,
What is it like to have an insanely beautiful girlfriend?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
My family never makes their pension either.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I have no regrets .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
All the time i was locked up.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
This is soul school!.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I don,t even have a pension.
I never cut or harmed myself..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But, we were locked up after school.
She found it foreign!.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She married twice! .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Im still living with it.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
One cannot live in the past .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Who then, do I blame.?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I was 9 years of age.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
As i do to all so called friends.?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
So whats the point in blame.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
My life is so biszare .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
What did i know ?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I was scared of men, in general
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
So, i spoilt her more .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Why did i forgive my father ?
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She loved him until the end.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I write beautiful poetry .
(And it was in our own minds.)
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I think the readers, may guess!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Ive learnt so much.
I waited trembling.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I was very sick at this time too.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
When she asked me how she looked .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
This is how, and why children get BPD.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Comes on , in middle age.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
It was going to be , some day.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Especially a lifetime of it.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Put me off passion for life!!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!